What does it really mean to trust your instincts as a parent?

People will always have opinions about your parenting. Always.

Try one thing, and someone has something to say. Try the opposite? Surprise… they still have an opinion. I learned this the hard way, in a way that was both emotional and downright awful.

When my son was about 10, we were shopping at Trader Joe’s and ran into a deaf woman. Excited to connect, we said hi. She was thrilled to meet Jacob and to see that he had two hearing parents who were signing. Everything was going great, until the topic of cochlear implants came up.

Jacob mentioned he has bilateral cochlear implants but doesn’t wear them because he prefers to sign. And then… she lost it. Told us we were terrible parents. That we were abusing him. That we didn’t deserve him. She ranted in front of him, and I was devastated.

I was so angry—angry at her, angry that this even happened in front of my son, angry that someone who wasn’t connected to our family felt entitled to judge us. And yes, there was guilt too. Like maybe I had done something wrong.

A few years later, my husband went back to college and made some friends. One of his classmates, a young man who hadn’t really experienced much outside his bubble, began judging our parenting too. He told my husband we were ruining our son for not forcing him to hear, that he’d never succeed, that we were stupid for thinking otherwise. And again, I felt all that guilt and shame all over.

Looking back on both experiences, I realized something important: there will always be noise. Opinions, advice, judgment—they’re everywhere. And the only voice that really matters is yours.

You have to learn to trust yourself. To develop your intuition, your judgment, your moral compass.

Trusting your instincts as a parent is a mix of:

• Lived experience—you know your child like no one else.

• Observation—watching patterns, reactions, and responses.

• Inner guidance—that gut feeling that something is right… or not.

It’s that pit in your stomach, that increased heart rate, that sense that maybe something isn’t right. And here’s the thing, it’s not just a feeling. It’s an active process. You have to practice it. Cultivate it. Listen to it.

And yes, it’s hard. So, so hard. Conflicting advice is everywhere. Two professionals with the same degrees might tell you completely different things. Family members often weigh in, whether or not it’s helpful. Friends, community members, strangers, you name it. And then there’s the guilt, the fear of making the wrong decision.

For many of us, we’re navigating something totally new. There’s no map, no blueprint. We won’t always know if we got it right until we look back with time.

So how do you start trusting yourself? Here’s what helped me:

• Observe: Watch patterns in your child’s behavior, your reactions, and the situation around you.

• Reflect: Separate fear from your actual gut instinct. Journal, talk with trusted people—professionals, friends, your spouse, or even your child if they’re old enough.

• Start small: Build confidence with small wins. Intuition grows with practice. It’s a muscle, not magic.

The best way to honor your intuition? Ask questions and advocate without guilt.

There’s no perfect answer. What’s right for your child today might change tomorrow and that’s okay. What matters is staying thoughtful, informed, and compassionate with yourself.

Trusting your instincts doesn’t mean knowing everything. It means:

• Paying attention

• Acting thoughtfully

• Being willing to pivot

• Giving yourself grace to be tired, unsure, or to change your mind

Start small. Listen to one instinct today. Act on it. See what happens. Every time you honor your intuition, you grow your confidence and your ability to advocate for your child.

Parenting is a full-time job. Advocacy is a full-time job. Learning to trust yourself? Also a full-time commitment.

At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember is this: trust that you are doing what you can, and know that you can adjust as needed. You are enough, and you are your child’s best advocate.